| Children Who Witness Domestic Violence |
Impact of Domestic Violence on ChildrenOne of the greatest concerns for any victim of violence is how the relationship has affected the children. For any child growing up in a home where violence occurs, the impact is huge. A victim who is not safe, cannot keep the children safe. The perpetrator may be the child’s own parent, step-parent, an other relative or a domestic partner. There is a high correlation between growing up in an abusive home and becoming either a victim or perpetrator as an adult. The important message here is that witnessing violence affects kids in profound ways that shapes their personality and coping abilities throughout their lives. If your child is watching abuse, get help NOW. If you do nothing, he/she will carry this burden alone throughout his/her own life, and the legacy of violence will pass to the next generation. Every child reacts differently depending on his/her age or temperament, but here are some common responses… Fear: Fear of harm, fear of abandonment, fear of losing family, fear of having to run away. Anger: Anger at the abusive parent for the pervasive violence, anger at the vicitmized parent for not stopping the abuse, anger at self for not knowing what to do to make things better. Guilt: Guilt because a child feels responsible for the family problems, guilt for loving a parent regardless of the abuse, or guilt for hating a parent who is causing so much pain. Shame: Shame for the family trouble, wondering “What is wrong with us? Will anyone else find out what is happening? Nobody else knows how this feels.”Confusion : Confusion about why this is happening to the family. “What can I do to fix it? What is wrong with me?” Powerlessness: Children have no control over any of the circumstances. They are absolutely powerless to change anything. “I did not choose this family, I cannot choose to leave, I do not want to stay. I don’t know what to do. I just want the bad stuff to stop.” Withdrawal: Kids who are scared and confused can close off relationships and isolate themselves from friends and family. This can lead to problems in school and at home. Aggression: Kids who are scared and angry can strike out and have difficulty managing their own relationships. Fights at school and aggression toward siblings are common. The effects of domestic violence on children are illustrated in the domestic violence wheel model, "Children Living in Violent Homes" by the National Center on Domestic and Sexual Violence: http://www.ncdsv.org/images/ChildrenviolencewheelNOSHADING-NCDSV.pdf |
